Joshua

I wanted to write something that meant what I wanted it to mean. I wanted to tell you that I fell a bit in love with you. I wanted to tell a story that did not happen, but that made my heart jump. I just wanted to prove if I could still love, and I chose to fall for you right here, in this story.

You glanced at me with those sad eyes. Your shoulders exhibited the struggle of a defeated man. And I stood there in amazement because I could not comprehend how a man so beautiful could feel so lonely, so undeserving of love. I wanted to go over and ask you what happened. I wanted to let you tell me all of your thoughts and fears. I wanted to know who hurt you, why they would do such a thing to somebody like you. I wanted to hold you, care for you and inevitably fall for you. And then it suddenly hit me, that no such thing ever happens. That every man who has ever been spoiled and felt loved by these arms has never loved me back as I wanted. So I went over to the table and made up some story about how I always see you around and wanted to know your name. And you said: Joshua. I took a big gulp and my heart pounded. I forgot to say my name and left as fast as I could.

That was how I wanted to fall in love with you for a bit, not the way it really happened, because right now I have nothing but your name. I have nothing but my most favorite name, accompanied by the knowledge that you're a sensible guy. I didn't even have a chance to decide if I wanted to keep you as a friend, and it's making me write a story. But now I also realize that I don't really want a story. I just want to say your name: Joshua...

and let all of the feelings that come with that name just be.